Beyond Self Care

I was reflecting this morning with some friends about how difficult not only self care is for me, but how being cared for is probably more difficult. As a mother, I care for and love my children. As a wife I care for and love my husband. As a nurse practitioner (NP) I care for and (yes) love my patients. Then there are friends, family members, pets....should I go on?

I am the friend, child, in-law, nurse that people go to for advice. I give GREAT advice. I can listen, reflect and analyze the issues of others. I enjoy doing it, I enjoy helping. Maybe it is an intuitive trait I have. The 15 years of psychotherapy could also have something to do with it.

When it comes to asking for help? Not so good. Allowing the help to happen? Really not so good. Waiting patiently for help to arrive? Nearly impossible. So, here in lies my challenge. Whether you believe in God, Jesus, Allah, Buddah, the Goddess, Mother Nature or the Tooth Fairy, sometimes things happen at a certain time for a reason. Challenges arrive in our path somehow. Often, we have not paid attention to something the universe is trying to tell us. Messages are sent, ignored, resent and ignored again. And then - BAM!!!! We are forced to listen.

I have been suffering with shoulder pain for about 8 months now. Ignored. Got worse. Ignored. Even worse. Pain was not fitting in with my plan of exercising and "self care", so I drank wine. And martinis. Cookies. More wine. Then, HELLO, I could no longer ignore. Searing shoulder and arm pain. All the time. No, really, I mean all the time. Could not sleep, difficult to work, forget exercise. Finally talked to my PCP about it around December. A labral tear for those of you that just have to know. Really won't heal itself. You can make the shoulder girdle stronger (I've been to PT since November), take medications for the pain (I prefer wine and cookies) but ultimately surgery is needed. Am I paying attention yet?

I am not a good patient. Quite an impatient patient. Fix it. Let it be over. Went to the specialist and had to wait 6 weeks to see how the injury progressed. Six weeks? Are you kidding? Not only that, but the cortisone shot did not help. PT has not helped. Anti - inflammatories did not help. I hate waiting. I hate taking time off work to let my shoulder rest (per my awesome boss who required it). I want it better. Now.

So, I suspect the lesson is not about the shoulder injury itself. I'm thinking the moral of the story is for me to lift some of the pressure off of my shoulders. I have been carying alot for a while. I am thinking now is the time for me to let others care for me. For me to be healed. For me to be the priority. For me not to plan my self care but for me to be open to those to care for me.

What a concept.