For those that do not know, I work in an adolescent health center located in an urban high school. I provide primary care to students that need health care. That is not my only role. At any point in time I serve as a disciplinarian, a teacher, a therapist, a guidance counselor, a friend and yes, a mother. Students call me by my first name. I talk to them. I listen. I respect every thing they have to say without judgement. No matter if they are an A student or a known gang member. No matter what they have to say. The stories are amazing. Their resilience is incredible.
Many people in the health care business refer to "them" as patients or clients. Educators refer to "them" as students. For me, they are my kids. I often talk about these kids to my friends and family. At times, I am stopped mid story and asked "You mean Erin?" "Oh, no " I say, "my other kids." I have about 400 . Two are biologic. The rest I work with. That's a lot of kids. I have so many stories to tell, I would not know where to start.
One story that I need to tell is one of a girl I knew only briefly. One day last September she killed herself. She was a sweet girl. No one knew she was sad. No one knew she had thought of hurting herself. She did not "pop up" on my radar (which is usually pretty good) or any one else's. The whole school community was in shock. We were so sad. Counselors came to school, I talked at a staff meeting. It was a difficult time. And then time passed.
Recently I read a suicide note written by one of my kids that a parent gave to me. Luckily the child did not understand how the medication she took worked, so she did not take enough to die. She was surprised when she woke the next morning. Why did she want to die? Family stress, problems with a boyfriend, trouble with teachers, difficulty expressing herself. Sounds like all of my kids.....Her mother took her to the hospital that morning and she was admitted to a psychiatric facility for a week. She is back at school now. Still sad at times. She has a safe place to come to talk about what is taboo for so many.
And here we are, once again grieving the loss of another young teen ager in a surrounding community. He killed himself on Friday. It never makes sense, no matter what details we have or stories we tell ourselves. Suicide is tragic. And in the adolescent population it is increasing. I recently spoke with a coordinator at the Massachusetts Department of Public Health Suicide prevention unit who spoke of increased clusters of teen suicides in Massachusetts. Last year there were 3 in Concord, more than that on the Cape and the Islands. On Friday, the number North of Boston increased to 3 since September 2010. It is one of the leading cause of death of children ages 14-24.
We as adults need to talk about this. Communication is the only way. I know it is difficult. I know it is sad. But it is the only way. If you are a teacher, post information in your classroom about suicide (available from the Samaritans at www.samaratinsofboston.org) . If you are a parent, take some time to just say, "I heard there was a suicide in a nearby city last week. That is very sad. Have you ever thought about hurting yourself or dying?" Do not be afraid of the answer. Even if the answer is no, it opens the door to a conversation. Then, ask the question again at another time in a different way. Kids will roll their eyes. Give you a "come on, mom/dad". That is ok. It happens to me all the time.
And if the answer is yes, take a breath. Give them a hug. Tell them that it gets better. Then call a hot line. Call your doctor. Call a friend. Email me. Love them. That is truly all they need.
And for my ever expanding number of kids. You know who loves you.
