No not physical therapy. That is torture. The more "taboo" kind....Psychotherapy.
I have been in therapy for many years. Over 15 years I think. All with the same therapist. I do not go every week, although I did for a while. Then stopped for a while. Now I go monthly. Sometimes every other week. I have this incredible therapist - I would never be able to find words that would give that relationship justice. Let's just say she rocks.
What amazes me is that in all of these years of therapy I have never discussed my eating issues or body image. Believe me, there has been many other subjects to talk about. Family, relationships and my seasonal struggle with depression. But never food or dieting or how I feel about the body that holds my head up.
Yes, I live most of my life in my head. Very cerebral. Drive people crazy. Analyze and over-analyze. Although I am pretty connected to my feelings. I can name how I am feeling at any point in time. I give great advice on other people's problems and relationships and struggles. But, I do not spend much time "in my body". Well, until recently.
This shoulder pain/surgery/rehab thing has thrown me for a loop. Physical pain has forced me to come out of my brain and into my body. But wait a minute, this is not the body I remember. More aches and pains than the last time I checked. Whose butt is that? A belly? I never had a belly. Where did all of those bumps on my thighs come from? I did not sign up for this! I would like to go back upstairs to the penthouse please.
Oh yes, this is my body, the vehicle for all that is Allison. The only body I have. I now have to take care of it as I have taken care of the white and grey matter upstairs. My revelation today with the help of the rockin' therapist is that now is the time. I am vulnerable. I am in pain, both physical and mental. I am really not happy with this body. It needs some TLC. A tune up of sorts. It has many more miles to go......
I have some perspective on why I have avoided this issue and how to jump start this - more revelations in today's session. But I am not quite ready to share that. Those words are still upstairs, but will start to come down and then onto my screen. For now let's just say I am working on it.
