No really, I need a wife. Or maybe we (Jim and I et al) need a wife. You know, someone who does laundry, grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning and organizes and runs a household. I'm not too good at that....I'm a great nurse, pretty good mother and let's say good partner to my husband. Wife, not so much.
I may need to change the by line up there. Wife connotes so much more than I am able to do. I picture the 1950s woman with the pearls, kind of Leave It to Beaver era. I so admire the stay at home moms (I know one woman who calls it VP of Domestic Affairs - love it!). I have summers off and by the first week in August I'm ready to go back to work. Work is so much easier.
Women are stuck in this no man's land (no pun intended). Guilt over working full time and not being a part of the children's lives enough. The feeling missing out on life because work calls. Then home calls and I can't give enough to work because of sick child, volunteering in a classroom, driving to piano lessons. I remember when my friend who helped me with child care for a few years called me at work and said "Oh my God Allison, Erin is walking!" I burst into tears.
I know some stay at home moms that also feel guilty. Feeling like they can't spend any money on themselves because they are not bringing any in (I do always remind those friends of the $20K+ they are saving yearly on daycare). Women have expressed to me not feeling appreciated for all that they do - I could list here, but no need. I get it. I am just not sure there is a happy medium. Working moms feel guilty, SAHMs feel guilty. We need balance. And to give ourselves a break.
So that is why I need a wife. Heck, I'll even call he/she a domestic personal assistant. Chief Operating Officer of Chez Kilcoyne? Oh great one?
And no Jim, we will not recruit from the Swedish Olympic Ski team.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
"Mommy, why do I eat when I'm bored?"
My answer "I don't know, but I do that too."
8 year old "I thought we are supposed to eat only when we are hungry."
Me "We are."
8 year old "Then why do I want a snack right now, but I'm not hungry?"
Me "I am glad you can say this to me, but I don't know the answer honey, let's find something else to do."
I really don't know the answer. I am pretty sure it started for me around the same age if not before. Eat when happy. Eat when sad. Eat to celebrate. Eat when bored. Eat because there are starving children in Africa. Clean your plate. Don't cry, have a cookie. Don't fight with your brother, have a piece of cake. I had a grandmother that when you said "that is enough Nana" you would get three more scoops on your plate. I don't remember being taught that you eat when you are hungry. In fact, I don't remember ever being hungry. Is that a good thing?
I love food. I am one of those people that would much rather cheese and bread, cookies and cakes than an apple or celery. Don't get me wrong, I love veggies. I eat healthy food. But, given the choice? Chocolate. Wine. Sugar. Pasta. Oh, and just to clarify, I don't like to cook. Make it for me and I'll eat it. Lot's of it. I'm not one of those "I just need a taste" people. I need it all. And sometimes more.
So when am I eating? I eat when hungry. I get that emptiness feeling in the morning just after waking (good to know the metabolism IS working), I need a mid morning snack, lunch, another snack and then dinner. But I also eat because I want to. I need a chocolate fix. I see a commercial with someone eating a big juicy cheeseburger, I guarentee you within 24 hours one will be on my plate. I eat because I deserve to. I work hard and dammit, if I want ice cream I should have it. Shouldn't I?
Moderation vs. deprivation. That is my struggle. Can I have a small amount of a mashed potatos with butter and not feel deprived? Or is it better not to have it at all rather than start the cascade of over eating? How do I slow down turning the thought (I love mashed potatoes) into the action (eating the whole bowl)? I know what does not work for me. Paying someone to weigh me each week. I have scale anxiety. Counting calories - BORING! Weighing food and portions - MORE BORING!! I think this time I have to approach weigh loss mindfully. Be in the moment. The now.
So, my 8 year old taught me yet another lesson yesterday. I can start by asking the question each time. Why am I eating {fill in the blank}?
I'll get back to you on the answer.
8 year old "I thought we are supposed to eat only when we are hungry."
Me "We are."
8 year old "Then why do I want a snack right now, but I'm not hungry?"
Me "I am glad you can say this to me, but I don't know the answer honey, let's find something else to do."
I really don't know the answer. I am pretty sure it started for me around the same age if not before. Eat when happy. Eat when sad. Eat to celebrate. Eat when bored. Eat because there are starving children in Africa. Clean your plate. Don't cry, have a cookie. Don't fight with your brother, have a piece of cake. I had a grandmother that when you said "that is enough Nana" you would get three more scoops on your plate. I don't remember being taught that you eat when you are hungry. In fact, I don't remember ever being hungry. Is that a good thing?
I love food. I am one of those people that would much rather cheese and bread, cookies and cakes than an apple or celery. Don't get me wrong, I love veggies. I eat healthy food. But, given the choice? Chocolate. Wine. Sugar. Pasta. Oh, and just to clarify, I don't like to cook. Make it for me and I'll eat it. Lot's of it. I'm not one of those "I just need a taste" people. I need it all. And sometimes more.
So when am I eating? I eat when hungry. I get that emptiness feeling in the morning just after waking (good to know the metabolism IS working), I need a mid morning snack, lunch, another snack and then dinner. But I also eat because I want to. I need a chocolate fix. I see a commercial with someone eating a big juicy cheeseburger, I guarentee you within 24 hours one will be on my plate. I eat because I deserve to. I work hard and dammit, if I want ice cream I should have it. Shouldn't I?
Moderation vs. deprivation. That is my struggle. Can I have a small amount of a mashed potatos with butter and not feel deprived? Or is it better not to have it at all rather than start the cascade of over eating? How do I slow down turning the thought (I love mashed potatoes) into the action (eating the whole bowl)? I know what does not work for me. Paying someone to weigh me each week. I have scale anxiety. Counting calories - BORING! Weighing food and portions - MORE BORING!! I think this time I have to approach weigh loss mindfully. Be in the moment. The now.
So, my 8 year old taught me yet another lesson yesterday. I can start by asking the question each time. Why am I eating {fill in the blank}?
I'll get back to you on the answer.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Beyond Self Care
I was reflecting this morning with some friends about how difficult not only self care is for me, but how being cared for is probably more difficult. As a mother, I care for and love my children. As a wife I care for and love my husband. As a nurse practitioner (NP) I care for and (yes) love my patients. Then there are friends, family members, pets....should I go on?
I am the friend, child, in-law, nurse that people go to for advice. I give GREAT advice. I can listen, reflect and analyze the issues of others. I enjoy doing it, I enjoy helping. Maybe it is an intuitive trait I have. The 15 years of psychotherapy could also have something to do with it.
When it comes to asking for help? Not so good. Allowing the help to happen? Really not so good. Waiting patiently for help to arrive? Nearly impossible. So, here in lies my challenge. Whether you believe in God, Jesus, Allah, Buddah, the Goddess, Mother Nature or the Tooth Fairy, sometimes things happen at a certain time for a reason. Challenges arrive in our path somehow. Often, we have not paid attention to something the universe is trying to tell us. Messages are sent, ignored, resent and ignored again. And then - BAM!!!! We are forced to listen.
I have been suffering with shoulder pain for about 8 months now. Ignored. Got worse. Ignored. Even worse. Pain was not fitting in with my plan of exercising and "self care", so I drank wine. And martinis. Cookies. More wine. Then, HELLO, I could no longer ignore. Searing shoulder and arm pain. All the time. No, really, I mean all the time. Could not sleep, difficult to work, forget exercise. Finally talked to my PCP about it around December. A labral tear for those of you that just have to know. Really won't heal itself. You can make the shoulder girdle stronger (I've been to PT since November), take medications for the pain (I prefer wine and cookies) but ultimately surgery is needed. Am I paying attention yet?
I am not a good patient. Quite an impatient patient. Fix it. Let it be over. Went to the specialist and had to wait 6 weeks to see how the injury progressed. Six weeks? Are you kidding? Not only that, but the cortisone shot did not help. PT has not helped. Anti - inflammatories did not help. I hate waiting. I hate taking time off work to let my shoulder rest (per my awesome boss who required it). I want it better. Now.
So, I suspect the lesson is not about the shoulder injury itself. I'm thinking the moral of the story is for me to lift some of the pressure off of my shoulders. I have been carying alot for a while. I am thinking now is the time for me to let others care for me. For me to be healed. For me to be the priority. For me not to plan my self care but for me to be open to those to care for me.
What a concept.
I am the friend, child, in-law, nurse that people go to for advice. I give GREAT advice. I can listen, reflect and analyze the issues of others. I enjoy doing it, I enjoy helping. Maybe it is an intuitive trait I have. The 15 years of psychotherapy could also have something to do with it.
When it comes to asking for help? Not so good. Allowing the help to happen? Really not so good. Waiting patiently for help to arrive? Nearly impossible. So, here in lies my challenge. Whether you believe in God, Jesus, Allah, Buddah, the Goddess, Mother Nature or the Tooth Fairy, sometimes things happen at a certain time for a reason. Challenges arrive in our path somehow. Often, we have not paid attention to something the universe is trying to tell us. Messages are sent, ignored, resent and ignored again. And then - BAM!!!! We are forced to listen.
I have been suffering with shoulder pain for about 8 months now. Ignored. Got worse. Ignored. Even worse. Pain was not fitting in with my plan of exercising and "self care", so I drank wine. And martinis. Cookies. More wine. Then, HELLO, I could no longer ignore. Searing shoulder and arm pain. All the time. No, really, I mean all the time. Could not sleep, difficult to work, forget exercise. Finally talked to my PCP about it around December. A labral tear for those of you that just have to know. Really won't heal itself. You can make the shoulder girdle stronger (I've been to PT since November), take medications for the pain (I prefer wine and cookies) but ultimately surgery is needed. Am I paying attention yet?
I am not a good patient. Quite an impatient patient. Fix it. Let it be over. Went to the specialist and had to wait 6 weeks to see how the injury progressed. Six weeks? Are you kidding? Not only that, but the cortisone shot did not help. PT has not helped. Anti - inflammatories did not help. I hate waiting. I hate taking time off work to let my shoulder rest (per my awesome boss who required it). I want it better. Now.
So, I suspect the lesson is not about the shoulder injury itself. I'm thinking the moral of the story is for me to lift some of the pressure off of my shoulders. I have been carying alot for a while. I am thinking now is the time for me to let others care for me. For me to be healed. For me to be the priority. For me not to plan my self care but for me to be open to those to care for me.
What a concept.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
To Blog or Not To Blog
That is the question....My husband's question "Why in the world would you do that?!" I have not figured out the answer yet.
My thought is that possibly blogging would provide an outlet and support as I once again pursue the skinny jeans. Yes, like many women, I am in need of losing a few pounds (or more like 50). I have tried LA weight loss, South Beach, Sugarbusters, Weight Watchers, Best Life, starving, supplements, you name it. (Because of my medical background I will not try Atkins, but that discussion is for another day.) And here I am. Overweight and sick of it.
So you might say - what about exercise? Yup do that too. Ran a 5 mile road race on Thanksgiving, which was huge for me as I have never even run down the street prior to a year ago. I spin. I pay a personal trainer. I am strong. I can run up the stairs and not feel short of breath....
Yesterday was the straw....an intervention of sorts from my personal trainer. He didn't see the point in my continuing to work out with him with the goal of losing weight if I was not willing to look at what I eat (I am paraphrasing, he was much kinder and gentler than that). The pounds just won't come off, no matter how hard I exercise. Rocket science - calories in calories out. That is how you lose weight. So I worked my butt off to come home and have my 8 year old daughter say that she thinks that I should buy the "magic belly hider" she saw on an infomercial. Great. Et tu Erin?
So here I sit. I know what to do, and I am not quite sure why I don't do it. Eat healthy, exercise, limit alcohol (ugh) and refined sugar. Drink water. Get enough sleep. Hey, I am a nurse practitioner. I give great advice to my patients, friends and family. Now I have to start the walk. And it is a long road. One pound at a time.
My thought is that possibly blogging would provide an outlet and support as I once again pursue the skinny jeans. Yes, like many women, I am in need of losing a few pounds (or more like 50). I have tried LA weight loss, South Beach, Sugarbusters, Weight Watchers, Best Life, starving, supplements, you name it. (Because of my medical background I will not try Atkins, but that discussion is for another day.) And here I am. Overweight and sick of it.
So you might say - what about exercise? Yup do that too. Ran a 5 mile road race on Thanksgiving, which was huge for me as I have never even run down the street prior to a year ago. I spin. I pay a personal trainer. I am strong. I can run up the stairs and not feel short of breath....
Yesterday was the straw....an intervention of sorts from my personal trainer. He didn't see the point in my continuing to work out with him with the goal of losing weight if I was not willing to look at what I eat (I am paraphrasing, he was much kinder and gentler than that). The pounds just won't come off, no matter how hard I exercise. Rocket science - calories in calories out. That is how you lose weight. So I worked my butt off to come home and have my 8 year old daughter say that she thinks that I should buy the "magic belly hider" she saw on an infomercial. Great. Et tu Erin?
So here I sit. I know what to do, and I am not quite sure why I don't do it. Eat healthy, exercise, limit alcohol (ugh) and refined sugar. Drink water. Get enough sleep. Hey, I am a nurse practitioner. I give great advice to my patients, friends and family. Now I have to start the walk. And it is a long road. One pound at a time.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)