What is your vision?

This was my "sermon on the mountain" last night at Tabernacle Church's Second Annual U2charist. Thank you to those who came and to those who support Heifer International. Enjoy.

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I find it fitting that the United Nations has named today the International Day to Eradicate Extreme world poverty.

What is your vision?

Some lyrics from “Moment of Surrender” from the album No Line on the Horizon by U2

At the moment of surrender
I folded to my knees
I did not notice the passers-by
And they did not notice me

I’ve been in every black hole
At the altar of the dark star
My body’s now a begging bowl
That’s begging to get back, begging to get back
To my heart
To the rhythm of my soul
To the rhythm of my unconsciousness
To the rhythm that yearns
To be released from control

I was punching in the numbers at the ATM machine
I could see in the reflection
A face staring back at me
At the moment of surrender
Of vision over visibility
I did not notice the passers-by
And they did not notice me

At the moment of surrender
Of vision over visibility
I did not notice the passers-by
And they did not notice me

So let’s just breathe that in for a moment.

Vision over Visibility

Now I am going to tell you a story.

Once upon a time there was a man, and he was going through some real tough times. He had to do something, something very selfless and very difficult, but very important. So he decided to take some time to himself. He walked to a quiet place and began to pray. And question. And doubt. Doubt God. “Why me??? Why now???” He maybe even began to bargain, “If you give me a little more time, some extra money, I can think of another way”. We have all been there. We all have situations and possibly have asked those questions. So, after a while this man became quiet. He listened. He was sure. He surrendered to his fate and what he must do. He was at peace. He walked back to his friends who were sleeping at the time, probably having had to wait for him for so long. Come on, get up! We have places to go! Let’s do it. And with that sense of clarity he went on .

I have been sitting with the lyrics from the song “Moment of Surrender” for a few weeks now. Some people interpret the song as a person’s fight with addiction. Some say it is a struggle in a personal relationship. Others relate it to different scripture passages. What came to me was the story that I just told, one that so many of you know, of when Jesus goes to the mountaintop to pray. Now, for those of you that know me, I have never been one to read the bible. I actually steered pretty clear from it. I am a liberal thinker, an adolescent medical provider, the bible was never on my list of books to read. It seemed to preachy, too religious---so not me.

So standing up here, talking about Jesus is a new venture for me. A foreign land. I have resisted even saying His name. Jesus. I thought, well some of my friends will think I am going a bit mad. But then, I stopped resisting, and started embracing. I became quiet. I actually listened in church. I started to be present during that one hour on Sunday morning. I enjoyed the calm light warm and fuzzy feeling. When I surrendered to that voice inside me that was saying, sign up for the bible study. Volunteer to plan a U2charist. When I surrendered to that peace I realized that I was already on a journey. I just had no clue.

I found my way here to Tabernacle Church in April of 2008, like many people I had a desire to give my children some sort of spiritual education. That is what got me to the doors. Then, Tabernacle welcomed me home. And as crazy as it seems, I now realize the way I have come to reading bible is through the music of U2. I told the story at the last U2charist of signing up for a bible study class here with Rev. Laura and a few other members. We would read a bible passage and I would say, “Hmmm, that reminds me of a U2 song,” or “Bono has said....” Through the organizing and planning of the U2charist I now realize that I have been reading scripture throughout my life, in the form of U2 lyrics.

The stories, the real stories of the bible fascinate me. The human aspects, the magic, the metaphors and the history are just amazing. I think the story of Jesus praying on the mountaintop is one of my favorites because I am struck at the human emotion. Jesus, after all was human. The feeling of “no not me...” or “are you kidding, me?” “Not now, I don’t have time, money, energy etc...” is as human as you get. Sometimes it is just too difficult to see the top of the mountain. Some days we are asleep at the foot of the hill. Sometimes there are too many trees blocking our vision. There is poor visibility...

Vision over visibility...

So what about Vision? What is your vision for yourself, for your life, for your family, your world or your earth? The United Nations has a vision. To end extreme world poverty by the year 2015. These Millenium Development Goals (MGDs) are to eradicate extreme poverty and hunger; achieve universal primary education; promote gender equality and empower women; reduce child mortality; improve maternal health; combat HIV/AIDS, malaria and other diseases; ensure environmental sustainability; and to develop a global partnership for development.

On September 20-21 of this year, world leaders met at the United Nations MGD Summit in New York to discuss progression on these goals. And there has been progress. Reducing absolute poverty by half is within reach for the world as a whole. With the exception of Sub-Saharan Africa and South Asia, primary school enrollment is at least 90 percent. Malaria prevention is expanding. There has been widespread increases in the use of insecticide-treated bed-netting in sub-Saharan Africa. In 16 out of 20 countries, use has at least tripled since around 2000. One point six billion people have gained access to safe drinking water since 1990.

The United Nation also is quick to point out that alongside the successes are an array of goals and targets that are likely to be missed unless more action is taken urgently. About one quarter of all children in developing countries are considered to be underweight and are at risk of long-term effects of undernourishment; more than 500,000 prospective mothers in developing countries die annually in childbirth or of complications from pregnancy; in Sub-Saharan Africa, the proportion of people living on just over a dollar a day is unlikely to be cut in half. Additionally, in middle income countries such as Mexico, Brazil, Romania, Macedonia, and Indonesia, inequality has also led to ‘pockets of poverty’ – socially-excluded groups that will need specific attention if their countries are to reach the development goals. These are the facts that cloud our vision. What is visible is the hopelessness of poverty, the tragedy of being born in sub saharan Africa. Or living in Haiti in January 2010 during the earthquake. Or the decades long war in Sudan.

Sometimes what is visible is so sad and overwhelming, we go to sleep. There is nothing we can do anyway. I can’t save the world. My small donation, or my small attempt at spreading the word of extreme world poverty here tonight is not going to make a difference in the life of a starving 3 year old in Africa. After all, I have 2 kids, a husband, a dog, two cats, and a job. I have bills to pay. What is in it for me? How does all that effect my life? I think that the late Tony Curtis got it right. “Service to others is rent paid for our time on earth.”

Vision over visibility.

I told you of my “Moment of Surrender” to living a spiritual life here at Tabernacle Church. If we stay true to our vision. If we pool our resources. If we do what we can do, and maybe one more thing and work toward our own personal vision for ourselves, our family, our community and our world, it will make a difference.

So I ask you again.

What is your vision?

What are you hungry for?

Guacamole and margaritas. Chocolate cake with ice cream. Goat cheese and french bread.

What are you hungry for?

The banana in my bag.

What are you hungry for?

Sleep. Children not fighting. Time with my husband.

What are you hungry for?

Fitness, health.

What are you hungry for?

Acceptance, peace.

What are you hungry for?

Being enough.

What are you hungry for?

Being present in this body. Enjoying THIS body.

That was just a taste of the longest 3 minutes of my life. Besides possibly labor. I was sitting knee to knee with a women I had just met in a hall at Kripalu yoga center in Lenox Massachusetts. Surrounded by 400 "hungry" women. I had to answer the same question. What are you hungry for? Over and over. I really just wanted to stop. I didn't want to hear my answer. Yeah, I liked Geneen Roth's book, Women Food and God, but this was a bit much...

It did peak my interest though. Why? Why do I eat when I am not hungry? What more could I find out about myself if I keep asking this question over and over? I have been practicing this since that weekend in September. Asking myself the question. Rarely is the answer food. An emotional eater am I. In any moment with any emotion the neurons and synapses in my brain go to food. Sad today? Pint of Ben and Jerry's ice cream will help. Angry? Chocolate chip cookies makes everything better. A little depressed? Chocolate releases seretonin you know. Food is the answer. Food will make me feel better. Food will take the pain and emotion away. Food will numb.

I have to say, being aware and present in these emotions really sucks. I have seen a therapist for many years and have not felt this "stirred up" in a really long time. I thought my work was done. I have talked ad nauseum about my "issues". I am tired of dealing with this crap. The difference now is the words are not enough. As I look inside and examine the why - why am I eating this or that when I am not hungry, my feelings emerge. I feel them. The sensations fill my body. The red hot flash of anger. The heavy pulled down feeling of saddness. The all encompasing fatigue.

It is not all negative feelings though. Because as anyone knows, food is used to celebrate. To rejoice. Until recently, I have not felt those feelings either. I like those sensations. The light peppy feeling of happiness. The soothing feeling of peace. The warm blanket of love.

Sounds great right? Being zen. Be present. Be here now. Until of course your personal trainer tells you that maybe you should see a nutritionist or a hypnotist to help you lose weight. Validation of all of my negative thoughts. I fell down the big black hole....I do need to lose weight, I am fat, unworthy, not enough in my own skin. In that moment, driving home in my car my brain thought of the Cheese-its in the pantry, the cookies in the cupbord, the vodka in the fridge.

That time was different. Yes, I was sad, crying, miserable. I sat with the feeling for a bit. YUCK! I wrote an email to a friend, who called me. We chatted. Worked through the moment. Forgave my trainer (he really only wants the best for me). Cooked and ate a sensible dinner. Asked my husband to put the kids to bed so I could walk the dog. The feeling passed. My body felt lighter. Read a book, went to bed. Started another day today.

So yes, Geneen Roth, there is something to this work. Being in the moment. Making a choice in every moment. Being aware and conscious. It is a journey.

So now it is my turn.

What are you hungry for?